after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
