So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
