david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
