if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
