I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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