you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Never underestimate the power of titties
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
