You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I am mentally ready for anal.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
