Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
