Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
