whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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