I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
