He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
