I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
