sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
