my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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