You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
