Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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