Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
