I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
