planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I need moral support for this bender
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
