Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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