i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Congratulations! We have a period
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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