I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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