I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize