Swine flu is the new snow day.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
