If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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