smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
