A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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