he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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