none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
