He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
