Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
