you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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