I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
