Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I fill condoms, not promises.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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