I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
