remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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