I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize