based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
