get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
