I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
