apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
