Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
