It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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