I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
