He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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