This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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