Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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