Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
