This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
