I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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