so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
