Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
