y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
