There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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