cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
