Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
