just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
