so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
