The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
