sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
