just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
