I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
