i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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