im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
