his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
