Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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