Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
