were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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