i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
