Your mouth is God's brothel.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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